Changes to Come

I think I’m freaking out FOR my husband’s sake right now (maybe even more than he is currently).  We’re fresh from the required class prior to a bariatric procedure.  I’m having the classic (immature) response when someone tells you “you can’t have _____”, and then it’s literally all you can think about having and ever since I got home (my hubby is still at the hospital doing a bunch of pre-op stuff all day) I’ve wanted to eat and just keep eating… even though all those things we learned aren’t even for me!!!!

I didn’t think there’d be any new information at the class that I didn’t already know (my MIL and sister have both had bariatric surgery) or that my hubby hadn’t already learned and passed on to me from the education he’s already gotten, and for the most part, there wasn’t.

My husband, who is getting the gastric sleeve in just a few weeks, was nodding his head and following along, but then the slide about what not to eat anymore came up.
The first couple things on it were bacon & sausage (anything high fat is a no-no).
My husband loves BOTH of those (and has been eating them frequently while on Keto the last few months).  So, he had a physical and verbal reaction to seeing those on the list… you know, like “aww darn” type of response and a frowny face while he put his head down.  It was his only negative reaction the entire class.

It was news to me how “low fat” everything needs to be afterwards.  I guess I’d be focusing on portion sizes and knowing how much protein he’d need… hadn’t thought about the fat.
This does mean changes for our entire household.  No more real bacon or sausage.  The turkey versions are acceptable and I don’t mind those, so I’m good with that, but I know it’ll take a bit for my hubby to adjust.
There will be a lot more low fat/fat free products in the house… there are currently pretty much zero as we were doing a high fat diet and I’ve stayed away from low fat versions of foods because it usually means they are higher in sodium, sugar or something else.
So in that respect, there will be a LOT of changes.

I’m not going to be an asshole partner and cook up real bacon while my hubby has to deal with the turkey version.  No, I’ll be eating the turkey one as well.
The dietician giving the class gave an example that she once saw a person bring in donuts… TO THE HOSPITAL… to their friend who’d just gone through bariatric surgery!
WTF???
I didn’t think that level of thoughtlessness existed.  Holy crap.
I refuse to be *that* inconsiderate.
Sure, I’ll be sticking to real butter and he’ll have to use Butter Buds or I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, but that isn’t as major as the food on our plates in comparison to his or the smell of something freshly cooked that he can’t enjoy.
So although these are technically restrictions for just my hubby, I’m kind of taking them on too in order to make it easier on him.

I think just change in general is setting off some anxiety for me today.  I already feel better just having typed this out, so I won’t go microwave those leftover frozen homemade mint chocolate chip cookies I was thinking about prior to writing this (seriously, I should just warm those up and offer them to the kids so they no longer exist).

I’m not great with change… it freaks me out at first, but give me a moment… an hour, a couple days and I’ll think it’s the best thing ever and be totally for it.
I can already imagine the healthy impact of my hubby eating a lot less… the kids will never again witness and overflowing plate of food in front of him, the getting of seconds and will instead see their daddy prioritizing protein, eating smaller portions and eating much slowly.
Instead of ice cream for dessert, an array of sugar free Jell-O, pudding or popsicles.  Every little thing matters.   Just us doing Keto together had the effect of my 11-year-old losing weight because I rarely offer pasta with dinner anymore – he’d just go without or have more veggies.
This WILL have an impact, but it should all be positive.
But I do think my hubby should have a few “last meals” intentionally for things he won’t be able to eat ever again, or items that he probably shouldn’t attempt to eat in the first year or so.  I don’t want him to have regrets afterward.
So far, our only planned “last meal” is going to Rioz, a Brazilian Steakhouse.  It is our favorite restaurant.
It’s one price and all you can eat, so after the surgery, it’ll be a complete waste of money.  We are usually there for the meat… meat, meat and more meat.  We barely eat any sides at all.

Before my sister had her gastric bypass, she pigged out on greasy Chinese food and French crullers from Dunkin Donuts.  We all have our “thing”.
My husband really needs to consider what his thing is… other than all you can eat meat.

So, luckily I only ended up snacking on just one serving of Smartfood after I had my breakfast & coffee.  It could have been MUCH worse based on the ideas floating around in my head, but through typing therapy®, all is better now.  Now I feel like getting up, cleaning up the house and then getting in a walk.

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Keto & I, we’re Over

It saddens me to make this announcement.  I really liked Keto and for a while, found it easy to stick to and had never been so full and satiated while on any “diet” in my life.  I wanted it to work, I really did.  But other than my blood sugar, my body did NOT like Keto.
Sure, I lost some weight at first… 5 lbs in the first week, then 2-3 lbs per week, then 1 lb per week, then barely a 1 lb and then NOTHING… for the last TWELVE weeks.

Yes, I go down up to 4 lbs during the week, but I also found myself going up in weight for no good reason, but then back down again just in time for the week to end.  I thought maybe I was psyching myself out by watching the scale, so I’d stay off it all week and it would still happen.  Sure, sometimes it was a #2 backing up issue, but that wasn’t always to blame or an excuse.
By every Tuesday weigh-in, I’d be right back to where I was a week prior… zero progress.

If I were on ANY OTHER DIET and stuck to it like I did with Keto, hitting my macros like a boss and staying in or under my calorie range, I would have dropped DOUBLE the weight I have by now.
I’ve never been so good at following a diet and have such little (or no) results.

Even though I was enjoying the foods on Keto which made me able to stick to it even without results, it wears on a person to put in that sort of effort and get no results.

I was hoping that after my hormones got messed up (a diet high in fat interferes with the production of necessary thyroid hormones, which brought on every symptom of hypothyroidism for me… also to blame, a gut needing probiotics that wasn’t absorbing nutrients as it should & no longer eating those nutrients in the first place which also contributes to hormone production issues) and my doctor basically told me I was malnourished so I started taking a BUNCH of supplements (I take 13 pills a day), that all would be well and I could lose weight again.  Instead, my symptoms improved or went away, but the “increased difficulty losing weight” has seemed to linger.

I was also no longer finding my Keto diet as satisfying as it once was.  A breakfast of eggs, sausage and bacon left me feeling hungry (crazy, right?).   In the last week or so, every afternoon as I stubbornly continued being Keto, I found myself SO HUNGRY and it was a struggle.
Was this my body’s way of saying “I’m still nutritionally deficient”?

After being on point all day Sunday just to see my weight go UP this morning, I kind of got a “fuck it” attitude and had bowtie pasta (it was leftovers from my kid’s dinner a couple nights ago and I love fried bowties until browned with parmesan cheese sprinkled on top) with some fried egg whites for breakfast.  I also ditched having bulletproof coffee and went back to just using only heavy cream.
I *thought* this would have left me unsatisfied and wanting something else to eat within an hour.
Instead, I was satisfied for HOURS.  That’s how eggs, sausage & bacon USED to make me feel.  My body is speaking to me.

I followed it up with a big salad at lunch… I had carrots, cabbage and other veggies I’d been avoiding because of Keto (it’s HARD to stay under 20 net carbs if you have too many veggies).
Dinner was salmon and a large cucumber salad (sliced and tossed in oil, onions, balsamic vinegar, white vinegar, salt & black pepper) with tomato and fresh basil.  It was satisfying, but afterwards I felt a void.  We were watching a Netflix movie and my son asked for popcorn, so he had Smartfood and that sounded good to me, so I had a serving (it was also still early. -before 6:30pm- which is usually the time I stop eating for the night for intermittent fasting).
After logging in my calories, now I understand the void… even *with* the Smartfood, I was 200 calories under my minimum.
My body is speaking to me.

I’m going to start listening like I did today.

Keto is over, but I am going to remain low carb.  The bowties (farfalle pasta, but who actually calls it that?) were an exception today, but I plan to not have pasta on a regular basis (or anything else made from white flour).  I’ve done this before previously, so it’s no biggie. I will also still avoid processed foods and white sugar.
However, I will happily bring back more veggies (I missed you carrots!), have apples, bananas and other fruit and have beans and legumes again (mmm… hello hardy soups in the fall).
I don’t think I’ll go back to potatoes and oats yet… I’ll play it by ear for those.

Why do I want to stay low carb?  Because I can thank Keto for showing me the improvement I can make by lowering my carbs/sugar.  My A1C went from 6.1 (at risk of type II diabetes and I’ve been in the “at risk” range since 2005, after the first time I got gestational diabetes) down to 5.3 (within normal range) – my lowest yet!
I really don’t want it to go back up and too many simple carbs/sugar will do that.

After months of frustration, I hope my body will appreciate this change and that my weight starts moving again… in the right direction.  Stay tuned.

Farewell Keto… you work great for so many, but unfortunately I am not one of them.

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Doctor Woes

I can’t believe I’m saying this (because I’ve always been a ‘let food be thy medicine’ type person), but I think my new doctor may be a little bit too holistic for me.
I went in thinking the high fat in my diet is messing with my thyroid hormone production… wanting the result to be me taking something to fix my hormones so I can continue on with Keto (because that’s how much I like it).

She thinks I’m malnourished and should take a probiotic, D3, up my grains & veggies, lower the amount of protein from meat (because if the chickens or cows are eating grains, then you aren’t as Keto as you think – really? that’s deep) and to GIVE UP ALL DAIRY.
Wha??????????????????  No dairy???
You might as well tell me to cut my arm off… dairy is my LIFE, especially now.

She says Keto isn’t sustainable, but you think me giving up dairy will last forever? Um no. (And it KILLED ME not to mention the zero carb lady who hasn’t had a vegetable in 7 years and her bloodwork is perfect and she feels great… and her beef is not grass-fed – she sometimes eats fast food burgers!)

Honestly, (and again, can’t believe I’m saying this) I’d just rather take a pill to undo or fix what she is saying is an inflammatory response to dairy than to stop eating dairy. (by the way, I don’t *feel* inflamed)

Ugh… I’m just trying to simplify my life (Keto feels simple to me… easiest “diet” to stick to I’ve ever tried) and she’s complicating things on me all over again.  Complicated = feeling like I’m on a diet… like the four-letter word kind that every day you dread and you can’t wait to be “done” with it.
I DON’T like feeling that way and Keto was a breath of fresh air.  It feels down right effortless compared to any other program I’ve tried to lose weight.

WHY DOES MY BODY HATE THE *ONE* DIET I LOVE???????????????

And she mentioned lowering my fat… I told her the minute I tried that, the cravings came back and part of why I love Keto is that those bad food cravings/thoughts are silenced when you follow the program 100%.  But the minute I’m not 100% Keto, they come back and I have a MUCH harder time controlling those cravings.

This is when she asks if I’ve ever considered therapy.
Oh Christ, really?  I’d love therapy, I just can’t afford it.  But what I’m trying to explain to you is a physiological response and you think it’s all psychological.  I didn’t say that to her of course.

So now she has me second guessing what is physical and what is mental because of that comment.
I’m not a newbie when it comes to battling mental stuff when it comes to weight loss, yet she totally made me feel like one.
Oh, and I need to meditate, pray, read, do yoga, get a massage, etc. so I have “me time”.  Lady, I have 3 kids and even before that, have never done ANY of those things and considered them enjoyment.  I watch TV, write… maybe once a year I take a long bubble bath.  Are you really saying that because I don’t have regular downtime/me time is the reason I’m still fat?

I don’t know what I’m going to do as far as the eating part (I’m sad just thinking about not having my bulletproof coffee anymore since that’s 50% dairy), but at the very least I will continue on with all my supplements and start taking a probiotic and D3… I can manage that.
I just hate that I left there feeling MORE frustrated. I’m also curious what my labs will say.  I don’t think I went off my supplements long enough to make my labs as bad as I could feel they would have been a few weeks ago before I started taking them.  My symptoms haven’t come back yet, so clearly they are still in my system.

Here’s what I’m hoping… since the supplements I started taking have helped me, I assume the D3 and probiotic will also help, then maybe I CAN continue with Keto *as is* and start getting results again.
If not… ugh… I can’t handle no dairy.
I have a follow-up in 4 weeks.

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Incomplete Feelings… completed

You’d think I’d recently become a stay at home mom with this feeling I keep getting of needing to be doing a job I get paid for.  Lately, it seems like just about every time I have a moment to sit and relax, I feel like I should be going to work on a task I have yet to determine.  It’s not housework, not checking Facebook, email or blogs, not parenting related, not doing the bills and not a 9-5 someone-else-is-my-boss kind of job…  more like a work in my free time, I am my own boss and it’s a “job” I like.
I keep having this incomplete thought like “oh, this would be a good time to work on….” and it never gets completed.
I’ve never had these feelings before.  I usually revel in any quiet, alone time moments and enjoy mindless tv watching guiltfree, putting my feet up to enjoy a coffee in peace or sitting outside to watch nature.  My mind doesn’t go blank, but I sure never had this feeling like there was something else I should/could be doing… at that particular moment anyway.
But lately, maybe for about the last 2 months or so, I get this nagging feeling.  It’s so strong, I could actually get up off the couch, but then not know where to go.  What the?

It’s like I’m getting a glimpse of my future.  The future when I FINALLY figure out that something I can do in my free time to make some money, but something I enjoy that involves my artistic side… not medical transcription or those other work-from-home jobs on computers that you ultimately have some sort of “boss” to report to.

I’ve tried writing a book… dipping my toes in the water of becoming a novelist.  Nope, not happening.

I’ve tried to paint original works of art on canvas (like to start an Etsy page for).  I couldn’t even get one completed (it’s still on an easel in my bedroom) and thought I should at least have half a dozen ready to go before attempting to sell.  And if I complete something I really like, I want to keep it.  I couldn’t even figure out what name to use or what my logo might look like.

I’ve tried crafts (specifically with pinecones) and for all the labor and cost of shipping, nope, there’s no money in that for the effort.

Sometimes I think I’d make a great freelance editor, but I don’t have the qualifications.  I’m great at spotting what is incorrect or could be worded better in everyone else’s work, but I fail when it comes to following (or realizing) proper grammar (though I’m better than I used to be… I think).  I’ve been editing my hubby’s work or home business emails, things for my mom, and even edited an entire book a friend of mine published (without an editor), but that was unsolicited and of course, unpaid.

I’ve had plenty of experience selling items on craigslist or Facebook groups, but that is always temporary as I don’t always have something to sell.  Plus, there is the hassle of setting up meeting places/times and risking no-shows or dealing with crazy people. Most of those sales just mean I finally have cash in my wallet… not really an income large enough to bother to deposit to pay bills with.

Inspired by the oohs and ahhs my husband’s Tupperware lunches of dinner leftovers from his jealous co-workers, I thought about creating a lunch service where I just make some extra of whatever we have for dinner to create some ready-to-eat lunches for his co-workers at maybe $5 a pop.  They would totally go for it, but when you think about it as a business, I’m sure I’d be breaking some health code by using my at home kitchen and having my 4-year-old playing on her tablet on the same island I’m prepping the food I’m selling.  I’m sure I’d be breaking about 20 laws, even if I did report it all to Uncle Sam.  And then there’s the fact that I don’t actually enjoy cooking.

So what is this magical money making I-am-my-own-boss work-from-home job I long to do???

I wish I knew.  I really do.

Or maybe I do know…

I’ve been told I should restore painted items as a business.  I’ve repainted my own wooden outside door decorations (as the southern sun is evil and fades everything).  crafty updates welcome sign before and afterLast Christmas my mom sent me this sign that had been battered by the outside elements for YEARS.  Some of the picture was unidentifiable, so I had to use creative license.  I had to sand it so the surface would be flat, but when I did, it took off the existing paint.  But I thought ahead and took detailed pictures of what you could see prior to sanding/repainting it.
Since it was for my mom, she didn’t care if it was slightly different from the original.  Crafty Updates mom sign close up before & afterReally, I just tried to fill in and enhance the existing painting.  But when your mom is your “client”, you really can’t go wrong.

But what if I did this for complete strangers?  Their standards would be higher.  What if they don’t like what I do?  What if, although I put on 2-3 layers of sealant, the sun still fades it in a couple years (which can be expected)… will they come after me for a refund?
I also only use acrylic paint.  That might not work on various materials.  Would people even want this service?  Most would just trash the décor and buy something new instead.   If it’s a $5 item, they can’t justify paying me $10 to fix it up when they can buy new for cheaper and $10 might not be worth my time, effort and supplies to fix it.  See the issue?
And would my artistic skills be good enough?  I have doubts there too.  But I’ve always been really good at copying.  I am a copycat artist.  What (legal) good is that for unless to make what already was nice again?

I feel like I could be like a Joanna Gaines (from HGTV’s ‘Fixer Upper’) type, but way, way, way, WAY scaled back… no fame, no cameras, no multi-businesses…  just how I assume it was when she started as a “nobody”.  Just 1 client at a time, utilizing her creative and design talents in her spare time.  But I’m not a designer, so not exactly like that, but utilizing my own talents for artistic restoration/reproduction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~24 HOURS LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artist are their own worst critics, right?  While searching my before & after photos of the work I’ve already done, my son’s friends were here and noticed the pictures and took interest.  They were impressed at the work I’d done (and these are 8, 10 & 11-year-olds).
I got past all the worries, thought of a name and created a business page on Facebook!!!
I stayed up until 2 am designing my cover page and profile picture & filling out all appropriate info.
And now I’m thinking about starting a blog about it so I can document each piece I work on.

My next step is sharing my page info on my closed neighborhood fb page and offer up free (or reduced price if it’s a detailed job) restoration so I can get some more before & after pictures for my page.

So I did it… I’m starting my side business.  This is NOT where I saw this blog going.  I guess I needed to write it out to make it known what I was supposed to do.

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The Keto Train Chugs On

So my last post was rather a bummer, but I wanted to be honest and needed to vent.  It actually ended up getting worse (the tunnel gets darker before the light).  Not being full fat Keto (see here why) just messed with my brain.
After writing my last post (Monday), my obsession switched from having a PB&J sandwich to making homemade cookies.
I dealt with this for a couple of days.
By Wednesday evening, after my perfectly Keto day, I just got up (at 7:30 pm mind you – a time the kitchen is supposed to be “closed” during my intermittent fasting window) and made mint chocolate chip cookies.
My kids were totally thrilled.  I even got assistance making them from my 11-year-old son.
Did I eat any?  Hell yeah.
That night I must have had at least 6 cookies.
I was already on the fence if my cookie enjoying would go on the next day.
After waiting for my fasting window to be over (didn’t quite get to 16 hrs… it was 15.25, my lowest amount in a LONG time), I made and ate a Keto breakfast.  But within an hour, those cookies called to me.
Same thing happened on Friday.  But Friday is when it hit me…
I’VE BEEN FEELING BETTER!
Why is it that when you’re sick, you really are aware of it and can’t wait to be well.  But when you feel better, you totally take it for granted and it takes a few hours or days for you to realize oh – I’m well again!
Well that’s what happened to me.  I’d started taking selenium, magnesium, zinc and copper in an effort to help out my thyroid which seems to have malfunctioned due to the high amounts of fat I was eating daily.  It took about 4 days, but by golly, I DID feel better.
The fog had lifted… I felt hopeful again, the moodiness and crabbiness seemed to have subsided.  So that means I may have been correct with my self-diagnosis of hypothyroidism after all.
So that day I had a little conversation with myself.
If these meds are making me feel better (dare I say normal), then maybe I can start losing weight again (hoping they undo that side effect of “increased difficulty losing weight”)… HOWEVER how can that happen unless I stop having cookies and go back to 100% Keto???  Duh.

So that was it.  Saturday came and I refused to have cookies.  I had to break this new habit/addiction.  I knew if I got a few Keto meals and days under my belt, those cravings would subside.
Man, Saturday was HARD.  Like REALLY, REALLY HARD.
I haven’t fought against naughty food desires like that in a LONG time.
But I made it through and Sunday came.  Sunday had its share of bad thoughts, but nowhere near the toughness of Saturday.
By Monday things were looking up.  Again, those panging thoughts of cookies seemed lessened.  The scale was also being nice(r) again.
It’s now Wednesday and I realized first thing this morning that I just made it through Tuesday (which was a VERY long day after I only got 2.5 hours of sleep thanks to my baby, my brain and my hubby’s on-call phone).  I didn’t have one single “naughty thought” yesterday!  Whew.
Made it through the tunnel.
The pull of sugar is NO JOKE.  It really, truly is a drug.

So I finally got fully on track, mind in a better place and feeling better because of the medications I added into my diet.  Just in time… to stop taking them.
What?
Yes.  I have an appointment with a new (to me) doctor and am having my blood drawn.  I decided I wanted my bloodwork to be as messed up as possible, otherwise it could look like no issues are happening.
It took about 4 days to start feeling better, so I’m giving myself a week off meds & full fat Keto to see if my days get a little moodier thanks to malfunctioning hormones.
I’m really hoping that that won’t happen until Monday, the day before my appointment, otherwise it could be a TOUGH weekend emotionally feeling like crap and sticking to Keto. But I stuck to Keto for MONTHS while not feeling happy or like myself, so I should be able to make it through the weekend.

I really hope my bloodwork shows something.  I’d rather take 1 synthetic hormone pill than 4 pills of supplements to get my body working correctly while I continue on Keto (I really dislike taking pills).  Then my blood sugar AND my thyroid (and therefore ME) will be happy on this eating plan.

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Struggling

I was doing so well on Keto… really liking it because I found it easy to stick to, not having cravings or binge tendencies and improving my blood sugar to better than it has been in years.
On the outside everything was so positive, but on the inside was a different story.
If only I felt happy and was losing weight at a rate matching my % effort and on point macros.
Other than my depression (brought on by losing my job & subsequent weight gain) in 2009, I haven’t felt this down, unhappy and irritable… ever.
I’m doubting my parenting capabilities and the quality of my marriage when not that long ago I was feeling happy and lucky.   Nothing and no one else has changed but me.
I don’t LIKE feeling this way because it’s not really “me”.

Since realizing I have basically all the symptoms of hypothyroidism, it’s made me weary to have a diet so high in fat (since that can interfere with the production of hormones) and all of the symptoms came on about a week into following Keto.

Why does my body HATE the ONE diet I like????????????????????????????????

It sucks.

So I’ve been making some changes… I stopped having butter with my eggs (2 eggs, 1 egg white) and started using my Pam butter spray instead (although butter was on the ‘good’ list for Keto, it was on the ‘bad’ list for hypothyroidism).  Then I went back to 3 egg whites all together (my former staple that I never minded), just to lower my fat in general.
Today I skipped the bulletproof coffee for just a couple tbsps cream like I used to have.

The problem is that when I lower my fats, my carbs seem to sneak higher (even via just things like lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, green peppers. etc.) and when that happens, I have cravings come back and bad food thoughts plague my brain.
Yesterday my “cheat” was strawberries.  At first it was whole strawberries that I dipped in 85% cocoa melted dark chocolate (I’m not the biggest sweets person – usually my wants are savory, so this just proves to me my head in not in the right place).  That lead to wanting a strawberry daiquiri (non-alcoholic) after dinner – a summer tradition we have (but not nightly, more like once or twice in the summer).  I used unsweetened frozen strawberries we’d picked last year, Splenda, and a touch of limeade (only ‘added sugar’ item)… it was a healthier version than our usual, but still a TON more sugar than we were used to.

You know what that lead me to?  Having the thought of having a white bread peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  This came at 10:40pm… over 4 hours since my fast time began (I shoot for 16 hours minimum every day).
So did I eat it?  Nope.  I held tight and the feeling passed… eventually.

Have I considered having that today?  Yep.  I also wanted to have a big plate of nachos (which I did breakdown and have a few days ago… hoping to get it ‘out of my system’ and get back on track).
What did I end up eating?
Chicken breast covered in salsa and melted cheese.

This decision was a struggle and a compromise.  It took me over an hour to come to this decision.

I HATE feeling this way.
I’m taking the selenium, zinc & magnesium that are supposed to help thyroid function, but I keep going back and forth about lowering my fats.  I don’t even know how long I have to be taking the supplements to see an improvement if they are even helping.

On one hand, lowering my fats could help my hormone functions and make me feel better emotionally (and maybe start losing weight again?  The scale has just been going up lately).  But on the other, as I lower the fats, the diet mentality grows and food choices become harder and harder.

This sucks.
I really hate feeling like there is something wrong with me… maybe more than I know.
I’ve been getting weird pains, more bruises… but I can explain them away and I’m such a chicken shit with calling to make an appointment for a doctor’s visit (and it really doesn’t help that I don’t have a regular physician right now… haven’t found one since I moved, so it would be me meeting a complete stranger that I won’t even know if I like yet).  At least I have my obgyn.  I have my yearly happening in September and they’ll take a blood sample to test my blood sugar, A1C, other usual values including thyroid function.  So, I could potentially get answers then.
It doesn’t help that my hubby’s medical things this year are costing us a small fortune.  He may have hit his deductible, but I sure didn’t and I’m just afraid to ‘go there’.

If I do lower my fats, this automatically raises my carbs by default (and by craving issues) and my blood sugars will get higher (for which I’m currently out of meds), I won’t get to a state of ketosis (because if it isn’t the carbs going up, it’s the protein) and will probably gain weight or have trouble losing, just like I did prior to starting Keto.
So if doing that improves my mood, how will I EVER KNOW because then I’ll be bummed out and moody because of my weight (really, I can’t differentiate).

In fact, that’s how I knew something was up with me in the first place because normally at any other time in my life, a lower weight on the scale meant a better mood all day and a pep in my step.  Instead, I was losing weight, clothes were fitting better, measurements were smaller and I’d have these horribly moody, irritable days that felt the same as if the scale went up.  I kept saying to myself “I’m losing weight and looking better – why aren’t I in a better mood???”

So frustrating.
I just feel like this is a big conundrum.

There’s no such thing as low-fat Keto, is there?
I really don’t want to eat the carbs… they just lead to more carbs & my blood sugar getting bad again, but I don’t want to not feel satiated either by not having enough fat.  Ugh.  So far I haven’t found a happy medium.
Maybe I should just go full zero carb like that woman in the blog I found.  My protein would obviously be the highest macro, followed by fat.  I just don’t know if the fat would still be too high and interfering with my hormone production.

All I know is, I need to FIGURE SOMETHING OUT and the sooner, the better.  Soon my hubby will have the gastric sleeve procedure and he’ll be shrinking and I don’t want him to be the only one.
I’m willing, I’m able… my body is just not cooperating.

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It All Makes Sense Now – Keto & Hypothyroidism

I have been following the Ketogenic diet for over 10 weeks now.  It has been the easiest “diet” to stick to that I’ve ever tried.  I don’t miss pasta, bread and rice and have had the least number of cravings and zero binge tendencies while following this plan compared to any other method of weight loss that I’ve tried.  What do I miss?  Fruit (mostly apples) and popcorn… that’s it, and mildly.  My blood sugars have never been so fabulous, so much so that I no longer require my medication.  I got a better fasting blood sugar without medication than I have since before 2012 (when I got pregnant & developed gestational diabeties).

I was losing weight, though not as much as everyone else seems to on this plan, so I was frustrated yet pleased to be making *some* progress since I was having trouble getting started since my 365/50 Project began back in November of last year.

So I was having an “easy” time sticking to it, some weight was coming off, inches were coming off and I looked better in my clothes… yet, something just felt off.

I haven’t been happy.  I wouldn’t have called it depressed, but yes, perhaps a mild case of depression.
After sleep training my baby, I was getting more sleep than I had in months, yet I always feel tired and just had no energy.  This, even after taking nighttime meds to sleep better and B vitamins for energy during the day.
Where was the pep in my step I usually get when losing weight?

My hormones have gone crazy.  My menstrual cycle became irregular in the sense that I used to be like clockwork… if I got my period on the 1st, I would get it on the 1st of EVERY month.  Not anymore.  It’s constantly early, and that’s a first for me.
I’m not usually a big sufferer of PMS, but the last 2 have been doozies.  Raging bitch are two words that come to mind.  And breakouts?  OMG, I’m 16 all over again.

I’ve had so many days I can only describe as irritable.  I have never been so irritable so often in all of my adult life!!!  Even I irritated myself.
Even when the scale went down and I *should* have been having a good day, I just didn’t and I couldn’t figure out why.  Until…

Today, due to a friend announcing her condition in a closed Facebook group, I looked up the symptoms of hypothyroidism:

Fatigue
Increased difficulty losing weight
Hair loss
Dry/coarse hair
Cold intolerance
Constipation
Depression
Irritability
Memory loss
Abnormal menstrual cycles
Decreased libido

Check, check, check… for ALL of these symptoms.  ***All of which came on after starting Keto.***
Just yesterday I left the pool and couldn’t believe the gobs of hair that were coming out… more than usual or at least more than I’d expect.  That, and my hair seems drier and tangles more easily.
My house is at least 2 degrees warmer than any other summer as I found myself too cold, especially at night.
I’ve been a “regular” girl all of my adult life, even when pregnant, so this occasional constipation is driving me nuts as I’m totally not used to it.
As for my memory… I can’t even tell you what I had for lunch just one day ago.
Low libido?  How about no libido… I go through the motions, but haven’t truly been in the mood… at all.

So why have all of these symptoms popped up since starting Keto?
Because a diet high in fat can interfere with the production of needed hormones.  Plus, sometimes the lack of bread (which has iodine, a needed dietary supplement), can create an iodine deficiency, which contributes to symptoms of hypothyroidism.  Since my consumption of bread has been low to none for years, it seems to me it was the increase in fats that aggravated what was probably a very mild case of hypothyroidism.

[To be clear, I’m not saying if you start Keto you will develop hypothyroidism because of the extra fat.  No, I genetically have a risk for developing thyroid issues (my sister had Hashimoto’s disease and even had to have her thyroid removed) and that it happened to bring symptoms to the surface for me, which I could thank this experience for]

I also haven’t been eating nuts like I used to (just a carb hit that wasn’t worth taking for me) and that means less selenium, another needed dietary supplement.
I already know I don’t have enough magnesium.  And then there’s zinc too… not eating enough zinc-rich foods to help me.

So…………  after Dr. Googling myself, I am making the following changes:
– Less certain fats (butter, cream & mayo) and instead, having more coconut oil & avocados (both are considered “power foods” for hypothyroidism)
– Less spinach & broccoli (these were my 2 main veggies since starting Keto, but both can interfere with production of thyroid hormone) and more asparagus (another “power food”)
– Taking supplements of magnesium, selenium & zinc (all via Amazon and will be here in 2 days)
– Having dark chocolate more often (it has needed copper among other things… the other day I had the most dark chocolate than I’ve had the whole time on Keto and for the FIRST TIME in that same time, I had a flirty impulse to grab my husband and kiss him… it feels like it’s been forever since I had that desire as I usually just “fake” those feelings, wondering what was wrong with me)

After reading all of the symptoms, the foods that can cause issues and the lack of foods that can help me, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

One, two or a few symptoms, I could dismiss or blame other contributors, but basically having ALL the symptoms?  I can’t deny that.  And other factors just all make sense now.

So am I right about my diagnosis?  I will change my diet up a little, start taking those supplements when they arrive and I’ll let you know.

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