Stress Eating & Determination

So after making my decision to skip dealing with lunch and instead, drink a meal replacement shake, I had a FABULOUS day one.  I had some leftover whey protein powder from previous usage (we’re talking, um… 4+ years ago?) and was able to use that seeming I hadn’t gotten my SlimFast order yet.
How fabulous?  Down 5.2 lbs in 1 day, fabulous!!!  On the morning of the 4th (when I wrote my last post) I was taken aback by weighing in at 285 lbs!  Ugh… yikes.  That’s going all the way back to before I even started my 365/50 Project in November!
But that day I had the protein shake for lunch, healthy snack of carrot sticks, celery & green pepper strips and a balanced healthy dinner and on the morning of the 5th, I weighed in at 279.8 lbs!
Whew.  Much better.  There was some period bloat and water retention obviously involved there.  It’s really the ONLY way to explain a 5.2 lb loss in only 24 hours!
That good weigh-in was the 5th… yesterday… the day of absolutely SCARY weather in my state.  We spent the majority of the day under a tornado warning and dealing with high winds and thunderstorms.  I was home alone with my 3 kids (it was bad enough that school released the kids early).  I set up the big kids with their bike helmets on and had gathered up supplies to have in the ½ bath downstairs (the “safest” room in the house seeming we don’t have a basement).  I got water, flashlights, candles & a lighter, baby food, cat carrier, toys for the baby, my cell phone and the baby car seat (I figured this would be the safest place to put the baby strapped in incase the worst were to happen) all set in the room.
What does my big daughter grab?  Her horsey and bunny ears.  LOLKolby's tornado supplies 05Apr2017
Gotta love the priorities of a 4-year-old.

I felt on alert ALL DAY.  It was STRESSFUL.  I kept watching the weather channel (listening to the “tornado warning alert” alarm repeatedly), looking outside to see what was going on and checking Facebook for reports from neighbors and other people in my city and letting my friends know what was up with me.  During the warning, I had prepared myself that if I saw even one piece of hail (which can be a precursor to a tornado), I was grabbing the baby, the cat (who luckily was sleeping on the couch in the same room as we were all day) and corralling the big kids into the bathroom that was 6 steps away and shutting the door.
Also, I didn’t have any protein powder as I’d used it up the day before and hadn’t gotten my SlimFast yet.

This combo of stress and not having my alternative just broke me.

I found myself endlessly hungry and kept going for another snack.  I also kept thinking “this *could* be the last thing I eat for a long time if a tornado does strike the house”.

After my normal breakfast of egg whites (taste/texture choice I’ve been doing for 14 years… I know yolks are good for you, I just don’t like them in fried eggs) and coffee, I made some lobster ravioli (the prepared frozen meal kind with spinach & tomatoes in a sauce).  I feared we might lose power and we don’t have a gas stove, so I wanted to make myself something filling and warm while I could.
I ended up sharing some of that with my son.
That should have held me over for hours, but not too long later, my daughter and son requested PB & J’s.  Hmm… that sounded good.  So yeah, for the first time since I don’t know when, I had a PB & J sandwich.
But I didn’t stop there.  “Dinner” ended up being one of those big plates of tortilla chips with salsa & shredded cheddar cheese that I’ve been having daily for over a month now (the very meal my shakes are supposed to replace so I can break the habit).
And after that?  The last 2 peanut butter chocolate brownies (that I had frozen so I wouldn’t eat them all… well, at least not quickly).  Ok done.  Right?  Nope.
The worst of the storm had passed, so the adrenaline was draining from my body and I just felt weird… needy… still stressed.  I had a big glass of Ovaltine in rice milk.
That’s usually it.  That’s my last snack of the night.
Then my hubby decides at 7:30 pm that he wants the apple turnovers he bought.  They aren’t the usual already done ones that you just heat up.  No, you have to fold out the dough, put the filling in and fold them over and bake and then add the icing afterwards.  And who gets to do all that?  Me.  For a good reason though… baby was refusing to go down for a nap, but fell unconscious in Daddy’s arms.  He’d tried to transfer her to her crib, but that was a fail, so his arms were busy with that.
So after having to take the time to make them, smelling them bake and it resulting not in the 2 he thought it would make, but 6 turnovers, I ended up eating 2 of them.
I didn’t even want them.  I’m not the biggest fan of them.  They didn’t even taste that great, but I ate them anyway.  It’s just how my whole day felt… out of control.
FINALLY, I was done.  Ugh.  It’s rare for me to be eating as late as 8pm.
I had a stomachache within an hour afterwards… no big surprise.

So yesterday was just a spectacular stressful dieting train wreck of a day (luckily a tornado never actually happened or this would be a completely different blog).  I completely crumbled under pressure and without my current plan’s supplies.

Today will be different.  I got my shakes last night… all prepared for today and at least the next week plus.
We have severe wind today, but it’s mostly sunny so it certainly doesn’t feel as stressful as yesterday.
Taking back control… happily.


About gwenacious

Always a person in progress. On a mission of self-improvement and exploring my artistic side.
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