[As a warning, I can tend to talk like a sailor (on leave) when I self-talk apparently…]
Ugh… I’ve really only been successful for 3 out of the 7 weeks I’ve been on my new weight loss journey.
It took a commenter on my blog admitting that they get complacent come week 4 and me with the instant mental reaction of “well I’m not complacent” to realize that I was in denial.
It just didn’t really feel like that was the problem at the time… at least not to me.
But when you suddenly don’t care as much that you didn’t drink enough water that day, or it doesn’t bother you that your meals weren’t the healthiest or that your portions are a bit on the big side, than yes my friend, you have become complacent.
I think the only place I wasn’t was when it came to exercise. At the very least I was trying to get that in and it plagued me when I didn’t.
Since creating my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/personinprogress) and following very like-minded pages or groups about getting fit/healthy, I see so many inspiring posts on a daily basis (and ones that do make me feel a little guilty for not doing enough).
A lot of these folks are what I call “hard core” – they have achieved big weight losses are now gym rats and sometimes go twice a day. They do 45 minute kick-your-ass-videos and then go on to workout doing other things for another hour. They have personal trainers. They seem like they could all be contestants on The Biggest Loser (or the former contestants that go on to kick butt and/or become personal trainers themselves).
They are SO FAR from where I am.
Here I am normally proud of getting in my piddling 30 minute daily walk and that is ALL I DO in a day (except for playing outside with my kids and longer walks twice a week).
But you have to do what works, right? Well I happily lost the last 45 lbs by just walking – mostly miles looped in my house. Occasionally I did a Turbo Jam video and I think Windsor Pilates like twice or so in a 2 year time span, but nothing else as consistent as walking.
Am I fooling myself to think just walking alone will get me the results I want? Maybe. It certainly makes the time table for results a LOT longer unless I throw in some other exercises and strength training.
But I still feel like I’m just at the starting line… I’m picturing exercise ball workouts and lifting weights and exercise videos in my future, but not now. Baby steps, right? You have to walk before you can run.
I’m just trying to GET GOING… like REALLY… like stop losing and gaining the same damn pounds and actually get off something significant before the next round of complacency hits me (which of course it will… it’s human nature… or at least MY nature).
Shit, I haven’t even lost 10 pounds officially yet. Oy.
So what the fuck am I dragging my feet for? Is that food really more important than reaching my goals? More important than me actually having clothes to wear for our 2 week family vacation in July? (Because otherwise I’ll have nothing to wear and be forced to purchase larger sized items like I had to do for my Christmas vacation.)
No, of course not! So why am I eating it anyway?
Good fucking question.
I started out pretty strong those first 3 weeks… can I just go back to that please?
Of course I can.
I did it before, I’ve done all this before.
Shit happens – snow days, hubby bringing home crap food, cravings, PMS, shitty sleep – and it’s up to me how I handle it. They don’t have to be willing excuses to make horrible choices – I don’t have to “go there” if I don’t want to.
It is all in my choices… MY choices, no one else’s.
So maybe I won’t be joining a gym (like EVER – it’s just not my thing and not sustainable for the type of personality I have) but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be my version of “hard core”. There are more things I can do in the day to increase my results, I just have to do them.
I see all the success of everyone out there and I long for that. Their excitement and tenacity is practically tangible. I know those days – those feelings when you are in mid-progress and have already taken a lot of weight off and the world feels like it’s opening up for you, you just tried on clothes in a smaller size and they fit and you swear you look and feel smaller every day. I’ve been there… it was 11 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday and I want for that feeling again.
I can join them.
I can finally be my own success story.
I can’t have fear of success anymore (yes, that’s a thing).
If I refuse to be this weight forever, then each day that passes and I don’t do anything to actively change that is just prolonging the process and I’m so FUCKING TIRED of doing that. So I need to STOP FUCKING DOING THAT.
I can do it… I CAN. This is a daily, a meal by meal, hourly, moment by moment choice. I have the choice. It’s time to choose the good ones on a more consistent basis.
I’m starting right now with this walk and for the rest of this day and as many days in a row I can muster. NOW is always the time.