Even though I’ve been open lately about my weight and size, I’ve been neglecting some other factors about how I’m feeling.
It is hard being bigger. (duh, right?) No really, it is… seats & chairs are far more uncomfortable, it is that much harder to get out of a seat when you’ve been sitting a long time, my back & hips have been punishing me for my girth (waking up with aches and pains) and there are times I stand up after sitting and I can’t stand up straight!!! It seriously takes me a couple minutes to eventually work up to standing up straight – I kind of am slightly bent over and my butt feels like it’s sticking out (like an elderly person). Holy crap.
I can’t tell you how scary that is to me.
I think that’s how my mother-in-law started out (which lead to NEVER standing up straight again and becoming basically immobile). In fact, I’ve never seen the woman stand up straight in the 15 years I’ve known her and she was still walking and not utilizing any help (canes, lifts, scooter) when I met her.
I would guesstimate (based on some pictures) that she probably hasn’t been able to stand up straight since she was about 46 years old. If I’m having similar issues at 36, I am in BIG TROUBLE. That means that if I keep eating the way I do and not getting enough exercise and not losing weight, that I could be immobile in a scooter at 50 years old. OH GOD, NOT COOL.
My future is staring at me in my MIL… and now since she has lost 75 lbs and plans to continue on (her first major weight loss since I’ve known her), I’m happy for her and love that there is another ‘it’s never too late’ story out there, but I DON’T WANT THAT TO BE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is already too late for me as far as I’m concerned… meaning I should have dealt with and conquered this shit 10 years ago. It certainly would make parenting a now very active (and walking!) baby girl a lot easier.
But I betrayed my body and now my body is betraying me… all’s fair.
I have to do right by my body, myself. I deserve a better future and so do my kids.