Feeling Defeated

So it was just two weeks ago my baby estimated at 5 lbs 10 oz – 74th percentile and just where she should be at 34 weeks.  This gave me such hope that gestational diabetes or not, just maybe I could get to have my baby vaginally (or at least get to try) because her weight wouldn’t be a deciding factor.  Based on that weight estimate and the expected weekly weight gain, it would have worked out perfectly by her due date.

Well apparently a lot can change in 2 weeks.
Today she estimated at 7 lbs 10 oz!!!!!!!!!  A gain of two friggin pounds in 2 weeks (what should have been just a 1 lb gain).  So I’m 36 weeks and she’s measuring for 38 weeks!!!Meanwhile, I am just 7 lbs up from my conception weight and changed nothing over the course of the past 2 weeks.  My sugars have been managed and I actually got more exercise.

So after hearing that news, when my OB entered the room and asked how I was doing I was honest and told her I felt defeated.  Why?  Because I really wanted to try for a VBAC this time around.  My son estimated over 9 lbs and I was given less than 12 hours’ notice and no choice that I was going to have a C-section.  I was really hoping to avoid that this time around.  I didn’t want my baby’s estimated weight to be the deciding factor.

So she tells me I should only feel defeated if I were eating cake and ice cream every night and not trying to manage my gestational diabetes.  Um what?  I think it’s the opposite – I *get* to feel defeated because I was doing everything possible to keep baby healthy and my sugars in check.  Her comment irked me.  And after hearing I’d done nothing different in the last 2 weeks and still managing my sugars she just says “unfortunately that’s how the disease works”.  Grr.

On top of that, my Group B Strep test was positive, so that means I’ll need antibiotics at least 4 hours before giving birth… oh joy.   It was negative last time.  Just pile it on people.

Oh and although I was supposed to keep rotating though the many OBs at my practice, I’ve been stuck with the same two for the past few visits.  One of them I don’t mind, but she’s pregnant and due about the same time as me, so the likelihood of her being there for the birth is pretty low, so why am I cultivating a relationship with her?
The other one I’ve grown not to like (nothing really against her, there are just a couple others I’ve met that I just hit it off with more and would prefer it was them making decisions with me in the end).  And I just got my print out for the rest of my appointments and wouldn’t you know it?  It’s the same two doctors.  Frown.

I had a total puss on my face leaving the office today and all the way home.  I’m bummed on several fronts.

I had hope this baby may want to come early just based on how I feel this time around (more symptoms, pain, experiencing Braxton Hicks for the first time, etc.) and I also got told “that’s normal” for the 2nd pregnancy… so in other words, it doesn’t mean shit.

My only hope is that this baby of mine decides she does want an early out – then I’d be given a chance at a VBAC because she wouldn’t have gone past the allowable weight limit as long as she’s at least a minimum of a week early.

It’s really up to her… always was.  I’m doing my best but it is truly out of my hands.  I just don’t like to watch my chances go down the drain… again.

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About gwenacious

Always a person in progress. On a mission of self-improvement and exploring my artistic side.
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3 Responses to Feeling Defeated

  1. newdawn00 says:

    Hi how are you feeling today? I felt sad while reading your post because I know exactly how it feels to want to give birth naturally and normally.

    Last year I had a home birth after 3 c-sections and I can honestly say it was the most liberating and empowering exerience. I will post my birth story on my blog some time in the near future.

    I would be careful about trusting the scan in reference to the baby’s weight. Scans can give you a good guide (at times) but have been wrong in the past, as is the same with most tests. Trust that amazing instinct nature has blessed you with. Read as much as possible and stay positive. Trust yourself and your baby. I really do hope that you get the birth you want, I know how important it is especially for closure after having previous c-sections. I wish you the best of luck and let us know what happens!

  2. gwenacious says:

    Wow – vaginal after 3 c-sections is so unheard of! Congrats.

    It’s not going good for me… now her estimate is 8 lbs 6 oz and well into the 90th percentile so that if I went into spontaneous labor even now being under 9 lbs, I’d still have an AMA comment and have to sign and bunch of paperwork that take part of my rights away… that freaks me out. (I don’t get the option of home birth because to have the OBs I do, I had already signed paperwork months ago saying I’d give birth at a particular hospital).
    If I don’t go into spontaneous labor before Thursday, I’ll get a new estimate and if it is over 9 lbs (which at this point it’s likely to be), I may as well go ahead and schedule the c-section.
    It’s a bummer, but shoulder dystocia is a real concern and this baby is measuring ahead of my son was so far… only if she were measuring smaller would I be less nervous about attempting a VBAC while having gestational diabetes. But her growth is out of control and yes, I realize the estimates can be wrong, at the same time I *feel* her growth… my belly stretches more, my belly button just popped… I was never *this* big and stretched out for my son… so I’m factoring these things in.
    We just want her out and home and this point… I won’t be getting to my due date regardless as a c-section would happen by the 23rd if I don’t go into spontaneous labor first.

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